AI-Generated Seinfeld script: Calling out sick

In the spirit of artificial intelligence taking over not only our jobs but now the production of endless new Seinfeld-esque content on Twitch, we’ve decided to put it to a crossover test of sorts. 

Have you ever asked yourself, “What would an episode of Seinfeld look like if George had to call out sick from work?” 

Honestly, you probably haven’t. 

But we here at Workforce.com have. So we generated this never before seen script detailing how the incompetent egomaniacs of Seinfeld would deal with calling out of work in the least effective and least honorable way possible. 

While reading this mess, perhaps ask yourself, “Are my employees doing this?” “How do my employees even call out of work?” “How do my employees track their sick days?” “Was Seinfeld ever really that funny?”

With these questions in mind, check out the results of our unholy exploration into the script-writing prowess of AI below:

Title: “The Sick Day”

INT. MONK’S CAFE – DAY

Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer sit in their usual booth, having lunch.

GEORGE: (Complaining) I can’t believe I have to go to work tomorrow. I have no vacation days left.

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Aww, poor Georgie. What happened to all your vacation days?

GEORGE: (Defensive) I used them for important things!

JERRY: (Grinning) You mean like that time you took a day off to watch the Star Wars marathon?

GEORGE: (Indignant) That was important!

KRAMER: (Excited) Why don’t you just call in sick, George?

GEORGE: (Considering) You think I can pull it off?

JERRY: (Smirking) You’ve been pulling off the sick act your whole life.

INT. GEORGE’S APARTMENT – DAY

George practices his “sick voice” in front of the mirror.

GEORGE: (In a raspy voice) I can’t come in today, Mr. Wilhelm…I’m feeling terrible…

He coughs exaggeratedly and nods, satisfied with his performance.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

George bursts into Jerry’s apartment, looking elated.

GEORGE: (Triumphant) I did it! I called in sick! A whole day off!

JERRY: (Sarcastic) Bravo, George. What are you going to do with all this newfound freedom?

GEORGE: (Grinning) I’m going to have the best day ever! Movies, food, relaxation…

INT. ELAINE’S OFFICE – DAY

Elaine is on the phone with her friend, gossiping.

ELAINE: (Whispering) Can you believe it? George called in sick just to have a day off. Yeah, it’s ridiculous.

She hangs up, smirking at George’s audacity.

INT. MOVIE THEATER – DAY

George, wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses as a disguise, buys a ticket and sneaks into a movie. He’s feeling quite pleased with himself.

INT. JERRY’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jerry and Elaine are hanging out when Kramer bursts in, looking panicked.

KRAMER: (Worried) Jerry! I just heard on the radio that there’s a flu outbreak at George’s office!

JERRY: (Surprised) Really?

ELAINE: (Guilty) Oh no, I told my friend about George’s fake sick day, and she must’ve spread the rumor! Now everyone thinks there’s a flu outbreak!

INT. GEORGE’S APARTMENT – DAY

George returns home, feeling triumphant about his day off. He turns on the news and sees a report about the “flu outbreak” at his office.

GEORGE: (In disbelief) What?! I didn’t start a flu outbreak!

INT. MONK’S CAFE – DAY

The group reconvenes in their usual booth.

JERRY: (Teasing) Nice job, George. One day off, and you cause mass hysteria.

GEORGE: (Defeated) I can’t believe it. Now I have to go to work and pretend I’m recovering from the flu.

ELAINE: (Apologetic) I’m sorry, George. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand.

GEORGE: (Sighs) It’s fine. But next time, I’m using my vacation days for something better than a Star Wars marathon.

KRAMER: (Excited) Like a Star Trek marathon?

(Bassline outro plays)

ENDS

*This script is intended as parody under the terms of fair use. All names and settings in the script are the property of their original creator.