Time & Attendance
By Rick Bell
Aug. 6, 2015
A screen grab from the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "You're Fired." Photo courtesy of Nickelodeon.
Hey. Heyyy. HEYYYYYYY!!!
OK, I’m over it. Tired of it. Sick and tired, in fact. If I get one more call, email, fax, letter, or note via carrier pigeon seeking a deadline extension to enter Workforce’s 25th annual Optimas Awards, I will scream (and you can ask James Tehrani if I do).
Applications for Optimas are due Monday, Aug. 10, at 11:59 p.m. CT. File it or forget it. And believe me, you want to be part of this 25th anniversary class of 2015.
So, you are on deadline, folks — hard and fast deadline, as I like to call it. If you thrive on pressure, just picture me, green visor on my forehead, spectacles barely hanging on the end of my nose, shouting, “Where’s that Optimas entry, consarn it?” And you, sweat beading on your forehead, trickling down your cheek mingling with tears of fear and loathing, pecking away on your keyboard to beat the deadline.
Like I have written previously, I am all about deadlines. My life professionally as a journalist would bleed ink into my personal life to the point where I raised my kids under the threat of deadlines: “I need that floor mopped by 11 a.m. or I’ll put you on a performance improvement plan so fast your head will spin clean off!” Which of course never worked, because there was always the excuse of, “Just one more episode of ‘SpongeBob,’ Dad. Puhhhleeeeeease?” Well, OK. I mean, it’s “SpongeBob,” not “My Little Pony” after all. What could I do, but sit down and watch it with them?
But not for you. Nope. No deadline extension for you! Nosirree Bob — or … SpongeBob. Hmmmm … SpongeBob. He’s so funny. And maybe there’s time. Maybe we should watch just one more episode from Bikini Bottom. I mean, it’s the one where they try to steal Mr. Krabs’ Krabby Patty recipe, and … oh heck, let’s make it longer. Like two weeks of “SpongeBob SquarePants,” and while we’re at it, let’s extend the Optimas Awards deadline by a couple of weeks, too.
So, don’t email or call or throw rocks through my 12th-story window asking for an extension of the Optimas Awards deadline. You got it!
Your new Optimas Awards deadline is: Monday, Aug. 24 at 11:59 p.m. CT.
And I promise not to scream. Hey, we have a “SpongeBob” marathon to watch.
That Patrick … he’s such a dimwit.
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