Commentary & Opinion

My one work rule to rule them all

Jon Hyman

16 December 2020

George Carlin was a genius.

He just had a way of breaking down language into its most simple parts. Whether it was The 7 Dirty Words or The 10 Commandments, Carlin was just brilliant with language. For example, he dismantled each of the 10 Commandments into just two:

First:

  • Thou shalt always be honest and faithful, especially to the provider of thy nookie.

And second:

  • Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible man than the one you pray to.
I thought of this yesterday after stumbling upon a tweetstorm authored by Kate Bischoff reacting to the New York Times article suggesting that Jeffrey Toobin’s long and esteemed career justifies that he should get his job back despite his Zoom full monty faux pas.
After asking, “Is this even open to debate,” I settled on my one work rule to rule them all. Here it is:

Don’t be the asshole!

Don’t believe me?

  • Don’t cheat or steal = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t sexually harass = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t refuse to wear a mask or follow other safety rules = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t no-call/no-show = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t fight = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t be insubordinate = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t whip it out at work, or a Zoom call = Don’t be the asshole.
  • Don’t use the n-word = Don’t be the asshole.

If you don’t want to lose your job for something you do or say, don’t be the asshole. Employees, it’s really that simple.

Written by Jon Hyman

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