No, You Won’t Be Getting a Raise

Ouch! As these excerpts from actual performance appraisals show, some managers pull no punches in assessing work and character. We assume these people weren’t promoted.

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

This associate is really not so much of a “has-been,” but more of “definitely won’t-be.”

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

He would be out of his depth in a parking-lot puddle.

This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

He sets low personal standards, then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee should go far—and the sooner he starts, the better.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

SOURCE: The Daily Dose, Yasha Harari, July 22, 1997